Beginning Journey

My journey began the evening of March 5, 2004. I was 36 years old when I suffered a massive heart attack. I did not know I was having a heart attack when I felt the pain in my back and had the vomiting. But I knew something was not right so I called 911. Three weeks later I woke up in the hospital and that is when I found out what happened. My doctor called me a miracle because the extent of the damage to my heart I should be blogging from heaven right now. I'm not going to preach about what I think I saw or how many times I died and was brought back. I'm not going to say how my heart attack has opened doors to many health problems for me. What I want to talk about is the journey this ordeal has put me on; I contemplated suicide so many times and there were a few times I came close to taking that whole bottle of sleeping pills to put myself out of my misery. But God and my nephews and niece kept me going; in 2005 I began online classes and that was the best decision of my life; I completed my associate's degree in criminal justice and started the bachelor's program, which I graduated November 12, 2011 with a bachelor's degree in criminal justice. Now I have begun my master's program and I am still enjoying this journey.
One thing I do not like about this journey is that I am on permanent disability and the monthly checks I get are just enough to pay the household bills with nothing left over for personal use or personal bills or even Christmas gifts for my nephews and nieces. I have to admit though I have the most understanding nephews and nieces in the world. I explained my situation to them and they understood. They are the reason I continue to go on.
We are coming to end of 2011 and it has been a year of ups and downs, with more downs then ups. Too many loved ones have left this earth this year, but in place we have had many new additions to our family. I made a decision while I was in Arizona for my graduation and to meet my beautiful niece; it is a life changing decision that is going to make my journey a better one, at least I hope it will. See being here where I currently live I cater to everyone else, I am a chauffeur, and a nanny and dog sitter. I get paid but I don't if that makes any sense. I have things I need for myself and I can't get them because I have no money, I have medications that I need to refill and I can't because I have no money. My life insurance policy has lapsed because I have no money. I am sacrificing everything to take care of everyone else, so now I am going to be selfish and start thinking about myself now.
I have decided that 2012 is going to be my year and the only way to make it my year is to make that permanent move to Arizona. March 13, 2012 is the day I will begin my brand new life and I can't wait!