Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Journey Continues

Here it is January 18, 2012 and I am preparing for my life changing journey. I have packed just about every thing that I own and I have thrown away a lot of things that I have forgotten I had. This move to Arizona is all about starting over for me. I need to learn how to be me again. The me that used to be strong and independent and did things on her own.
I know my moving makes things a little difficult for my family that I am leaving behind and I am sorry for that, but if I don't do this now then I will never do it and I will never again know what being Melissia Marie Rafidi is all about. I love my family, they are being very supportive of me and they wish me well, who can ask for more. I know that my boyfriend Mark is a little upset that I am leaving without him, I am hoping he will be home before I leave so that I can at least spend a little time with him. He is still very supportive and when he gets the chance he will make his move to be with me and we can live out the rest of our lives happy.
I think it is important for people to take that leap of fate; to live freely. Open their minds to trying new things and that is my goal for this new year. I've said it before and I will say it again, 2012 is going to be my year. I plan on making the most of it; I don't know how much longer I have on this earth so I am going to make the most of it.
I am still working on my masters program, I did however finish one class with a 99% A, I'm proud of that. I am still in my other class and maintaining a 100%. I plan on finishing my masters program with a higher GPA than I did in my bachelor's program. I love the fact that I can take my classes online and not have to worry about being late to class or having the distractions of other people around me. This is one goal I truly enjoy.
I haven't set any other goals as of yet, I'm still playing around with a few things; but in due time I will have my goal list together and I can start working on it when I make my move. I have to think long and hard on what it is exactly that I want to do with my life. I know I want to be a juvenile probation officer and help kids who really need it.
Starting over is very scary and very exciting; I envision what my life is going to be like and I have to try to live up to that vision. I know it is not going to be easy and there is going to have to be a lot of effort put into whatever it is I do but I think, no I know I can make it. Right now I am super excited about moving and can't wait for March to get here so I can start living the rest of my life in my new state.
Always remember to dream big and go for the gusto!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Beginning Journey

My journey began the evening of March 5, 2004. I was 36 years old when I suffered a massive heart attack. I did not know I was having a heart attack when I felt the pain in my back and had the vomiting. But I knew something was not right so I called 911. Three weeks later I woke up in the hospital and that is when I found out what happened. My doctor called me a miracle because the extent of the damage to my heart I should be blogging from heaven right now. I'm not going to preach about what I think I saw or how many times I died and was brought back. I'm not going to say how my heart attack has opened doors to many health problems for me. What I want to talk about is the journey this ordeal has put me on; I contemplated suicide so many times and there were a few times I came close to taking that whole bottle of sleeping pills to put myself out of my misery. But God and my nephews and niece kept me going; in 2005 I began online classes and that was the best decision of my life; I completed my associate's degree in criminal justice and started the bachelor's program, which I graduated November 12, 2011 with a bachelor's degree in criminal justice. Now I have begun my master's program and I am still enjoying this journey.
One thing I do not like about this journey is that I am on permanent disability and the monthly checks I get are just enough to pay the household bills with nothing left over for personal use or personal bills or even Christmas gifts for my nephews and nieces. I have to admit though I have the most understanding nephews and nieces in the world. I explained my situation to them and they understood. They are the reason I continue to go on.
We are coming to end of 2011 and it has been a year of ups and downs, with more downs then ups. Too many loved ones have left this earth this year, but in place we have had many new additions to our family. I made a decision while I was in Arizona for my graduation and to meet my beautiful niece; it is a life changing decision that is going to make my journey a better one, at least I hope it will. See being here where I currently live I cater to everyone else, I am a chauffeur, and a nanny and dog sitter. I get paid but I don't if that makes any sense. I have things I need for myself and I can't get them because I have no money, I have medications that I need to refill and I can't because I have no money. My life insurance policy has lapsed because I have no money. I am sacrificing everything to take care of everyone else, so now I am going to be selfish and start thinking about myself now.
I have decided that 2012 is going to be my year and the only way to make it my year is to make that permanent move to Arizona. March 13, 2012 is the day I will begin my brand new life and I can't wait!